screw plain text entries!
ive got this itch to blog.
i really wanna feed in a full picture post entry but im feeling rather held back.
or simply said... lazy to :(
im wondering if anyone reads my blog anyway?
sighhhhhhh
my moood's pretty down tonight.
in fact, pretty much the whole day.
whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyyy am i feeelin this way :(
wordspam.
i have so much to do. so so much. and yet. im not gettin anythin done . what am i waiting for?im literally wasting my life away?i aint got much time left. and i dont seem to be bothered by it.no.im really really bothered by it actually.ineedaguideineedahelpinghandineedadriveineedtomakesomethingwork.cant stand myself not waking up earlier than i am. cant stand myself being unproductive.cant stand myself waitin for something to happen.cant stand myself being so lost for so long.cant stand myself just pretending that i have time to spare.cant stand myself LITERALLY BLOGGIN NOW.
i really should be doing something more productive other than blogging :(
i really should be gathering out more information about my education plans. sigh im so lost. what do i do? what do i do? is there no education consultant out there? sigh i wanna stay a kid. i wanna do what i have to do and go with the flow. i hate making choices. i totally suck at making choices.
why am i growing up. why is time passing by so quickly. im bothered. bothered by lui. and ses unreadable mots. quelque chose just aint right. and i peux pas depict ses hints. something j'ai fait wrong? something jai said faux? aw man. everythin seems to be pissin me off :( my mouse isnt cooperating. my eyesight's gettin worse. my room's too dark. my lamp is hot. there are moths in my room. my bed is cold. my pillow is dirty. the floor is dirty. my camera is old. my playlist is old. there are papers on my table. my sun glass is broken. my new bikini is used. my closet is messy. my comp is messy. IM messy. there are so many thoughts running through my mind right now . so much so quick that i dont even know why im feelin so bothered by nothing. so many questions . so many what ifs and whys. whats happening geez. to anyone reading up till this very word. thank u. dont worry. im not depressed or anything . i just feel... indescribable. 40 over days im left with. when i go back. my life will change. when i leave here. im gonna leave with huge regrets. im gonna leave here crying. im gonna leave the life ive always wanted to live. at the same time. i wanna go back. to back to what i've been holding onto since i left. what i want to hold on to since ive decided. i wanna go back to the food. the second life. i wanna go back to i dont know what. school. i wish i had it plan. take a road. take it 9 years? what do i do? sigh what do i do? what if i were a boy. would that be any easier? but then again. i am who i am . already lived what i lived. so doesnt change a thing. oh geez. what am i talkin about. im just spamming into this little post about nothing. how just one thought can send me bersek. not 100% though. clinging onto something still reading. this post's so chimology. i wanna wake up feelin better tomorrow. i just wanna wake up and say HEYJOYWTFHAVEYOUBEENDOING? giving up my 2 weeks for my family comin over. giving my whole of next month packing. what do i have left? i dont start now i wont start forever. im afraid. afraid of going back. im afraid, afraid of facing what i have to face. im afraid . that what if. i cant do it. to it. and it. what happens next? what if. it gets to me. what do i do? considered mild. take a look at the bigger circle. what if? i dont get in? what if. no two roads work for me then, what to i do then? stupid. i feel so stupid. why did i come here. no. why did i not come here. no. what would i be then? i dont know. oh sigh . im feeling so awful now. no reason but i just feel like crying. sigh . i need new songs. new songs i can relate to and feel better about. what's lacking. where's somebody. what's wrong? 3 days and lost. where's lui. i need son embrace. i need ses mots. j'ai besoin son presence. RUBBISH. like the pathetic girl you are. meuh. like il cares. leave me hanging leave me guessing. its fun game. la langue, la langue? how will it help me? do i continue? for what? when? how? next year? lol what am i thinkin? u know what. typing this post isnt helpin me at all. fuck it.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 4:47 PM
