well thts all the pic i took today~
best picture of the day ?

THIS !!


awww . my dad is so cute... lol
i love my dad.

(irritating at times but overall. adorable wins)

hmmmmm ...

while waiting for the pics to be uploaded.. went over to his facebook to have a look.
saw his photos.

taken at sentosa.
felt kinda sad somehow...

tht i couldnt be there... and now tht things have turn out this way...
dont think i can make this birthday a special one for him...

awww... feelin kinda emo already ... =[

well...
met him online ... and we talked a little.

things are alot better already... his sis to me. his mum to me..
its clearer now...

im glad.

he and i .. we talked...
he told me... tht since he cant be my bf anymore..
at least make him my gor...

and to him . im his mei.
i hesitated at first

but then i thought... maybe it could be a nice thing ?

he swore tht.. he cant protect me as a gf. but he will as a big bro.
thts kinda nice...

these things happening.. set me thinking alot..
wad if he has a new gf ? wad wil i be then?

if im his mei ... wont we be kinda still in close contact ?
is tht a good thing ?
is tht a bad thing ?

the thing im afraid is ... even though, im his mei. he might not like some of the things that i do...
so should i listen to him and not do it ?

or should i just give my stand ? tht i dont like to be told at..

will tht lead to an arguement ? will tht lead to something bad?

i dont know..

sigh
we broke up.. but i still feel strongly for him...

its not a good thing.

i can imagine seeing things tht i cant accept. or maybe he'd do somethings tht really piss me off...

but who am i to have a say anymore..
i cant do anything but accept ...

i need more time...
i dont know why im recovering so slowly..

i know tht he can accept and see me with some other guy.
probably just get lil upset..

but if i see him with another girl ? honestly...
i'd cry...

its so selfish of me .. i know.
but i dont want this too ?

how long more do i need?
i wish tht i had the powers to INSTANTLY heal myself from any problem..
sigh..

so i thought.. being bro and sis might not be such a good idea..
and so i told him...

we'll see how it goes.

i dare type all these out..cause.. i know tht he will not visit my blog anymore.
he mentioned tht he would be reminded of the old times...

not my blog.. not my facebook. not anything.

so i think i can write how i feel...

im still not really used to being single.
i'd look at my phone from time to time... i know im expecting a msg...

but then when i see none.. i just feel so sad ...
but i know it has to be this way..

and i scold myself. why am i feelin this way.
why am i still acting like this.

and i get really pissed with myself..
sigh.

i dont wanna read his blog. i dont wanna go his facebook.
but i cant help it.

aw man .
i dont know wads the problem with me..

i can tell myself.

i dont give a fuck anymore. he's not mine. and i dont wanna be with him..
but truth is. i do give a big fuck about him...

and i still dont wanna be with him.
what the problem with me i dont know...

i thnk im such a failure..

omg.. im going emo lane.
shit shit shit..

AWW MAN.
kk enough of this...

i have to tell myself !!!


i need to recoverrrr
FASSSTTTTTT

but why is it so harddd ??!!
GRRRRRRR

i see ppl and their steadies. break .. break lor...
then both go their separate ways like no prob.
and then i see myself so miserable...

AHHH FAILURE~

this sucks..
sob sob.

not gonna type on anymore ~

ta