Today, i agreed to go out with him.
And today happened like a dream.
I found myself falling back to where i left off.
I've missed this feeling for far too long.
And now, i've picked up the pieces. giving in another gamble. Sort of.
I'm 70/30 on this. 30 on where i wanted to stand, and 70 on where im standing now.
Is it the loneliness? Is it the emptiness? Am i just filling in a void that has been empty all of a sudden?
Once again i burn down to the question . what do i really want.
I know what i want. I'm not strong enough to achieve it.
I gave in.
Like i knew, today was going to be a great day.
I wish everyday to be like today.
Not on the material, but on what we shared.
This is sincerity. This is genuine. i believe it is.
Its been a while, you've been so patience waitin for me.
Its been a while havin you greet me with hugs upon seeing me.
Its been a while seeing you smile at me in admiration.
Its been a while, you held my hands so tightly.
Its been a while, you held me so close to your body.
Its been a while, being constantly pulled close to you.
Its been a while, you put your phone away for me.
Its been a while, we went out to explore good food together.
Its been a while, we've tried something new.
Its been a while, knowing you've hid your tiredness for me.
Its been a while, we've been so happy.
I thank you for today.
& i know that today actually burnt a hole in your pocket. ( with the fact that we kinda got scammed )
I know it hurts from inside, and i could see you making the effort not to write it on your face just to see me happy.
I am happy. seeing you try this hard.
Honestly, I don't need fancy meals or good entertainment to spend a day out with you.
All i need is you, being sincere by my side and being as happy as i am just spending time with you.
I just need to know.. that you wish to spend time with me because u really want to. and not because you have to.
We could do a whole bunch of other free things together.
Go play basketball, sweat it out together,
gyming, swimming, playing online games together. stayin in for a home movie. Go cycling. cook meals and bring em out to eat by the jetty,
so so much we could do. as long as we're happy together. That's all i ask for.
Today was like a dream.
I wish it could last forever i really do.
As much as 99% of me assumes how it will eventually turn out to be like again, there is that 1% believing that this time its gonna be different.
So dear boy, if you're reading this.
Please tell me that my assumptions are gonnna be wrong..
Please make me believe that my decision this time is right..
Please assure me that it's not all temporary...
You told me we have a future ahead of us, that we would work things out better this time. and i believe you.
No more cycle curses :'(
Im taking this gamble with you because you are worth it.
I love you.
Dear god, please pave my route with him with mercy.
I am tired from all that has happened but i am willing, with my last hope, to give it one more shot... just one more shot..
Sigh, i hear myself say that so many times..
Baby, let this be the last time. Please?
Goodnight.Goodbye.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 9:32 AM