oh gawd.
another night has passed.
i lost my inspiration to blog...
sigh..
mum heard me cryin myself to sleep last night...
i felt at my very lowest point of life...
and i have no idea why....
i just feel very alone...
once the lights are out...
emotions kick right into me...
and
i HATE IT.
i fkin hate this feeling of being so alone....
i cant sms...
nor can i use the fkin com....
and even if i could....
no one will be there to talk to me..
why?
cause everyone's asleep...
if i were still home...
i could sms anyone at anytime...
at least i knew... tht i was never alone...
to recieve a reply,
is so heartwarming....
but here..
all i can fkin do is stare at the bloody phone...
who needs a phone when you cant fkin use it?
im so sorry for my crude language...
i know...
in time to come..
i will get used to it...
i woke up this morning feelin horrible...
made myself tea and sat at the dining table...
mum in the kitchen...
pops up the qns.
mum: joy, heard you cryin last night... why? recieved bad news or anything?
i told her....
i just felt lonely ...
im not used to the sudden '' limit com usage ''
or the
'' you cant sms anyone policy ''
she replies.. tht she doesnt want me to sleep late thts why she gives me curfew time ...
i said...
i know...
i just ...
i gave a big sigh...
my eyes started to get watery ...
i tried to hold it in...
but i couldnt..
i didnt wanna break down infront of her
but...
i did....
and i went into my room to cool off...
i couldnt stop crying...
not because of the curefew thingy...
just emotions...
but mum thought i cried cause i felt tht i got scolded.. i dont know ...
well .. i sat outside my window door...
tryin my best to get a grip...
but thoughts of last night...
didnt help at all..
tears just kept coming out.
goddammit.
i just miss many ppl tht are so important to me..
tht made a difference in my life...
sigh..
tht they are always around me whenever i need them...
life is different here i suppose... it needs to get a little use to...
i calmed...
and i went out.. told my mum... i'll get going washin e carpet. where's all e things..
mum sat and starred at me... '' whats the matter ... ''
i just said...
dont ask...
i went into the garrage and continued..
i dont know why
i couldnt stop at all..
i felt tht my eyes are just fkin water pipes..
its already so tired from the previous night..
yet i strained them again in the day...
got a grip ...
silently washed the carpets... helped out a lil...
and mum said she could cope...
tht i am allowed to use my com...
i got to use my com for quite a long time today...
maybe she was shocked tht i broke down infront of her...
well in any case...
i felt better later in the day...
i dont know wad else to say...
its a super wordy post...
and im still feelin super emo ...
cause its night time ...
and once again...
i'm all alone...someone promised me.
tht he'd be here tonight.
but where is he now
i dont know.
i guess
im still all alone.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 1:48 PM