Just a few days back, we almost lost it back to square one once again.
you turned and walked away, and so i left for home.
You came running back for me, like you always do.
and just like the usual me, i'll always let you lead me back in.
You held my hand and told me, that you were just stressed and explained. But all i wanted to hear was, whether you were aware of how things went wrong. and you were. I thank you for being honest. and i in turn apologised on my part for not trying to make things better.
Im glad you came back for me.
From then, things have been going alright. just alright.
i wish we didnt have to quarrel so often.
i wish your patience stayed the way it was when we were apart.
Today, things havent been going as planned for my studies. Im breaking down from the stress and losing myself from many things. and that's when you came in.
It wasnt all that smooth but you offered to help in the end personally.
Thank you for staying up with me the other night while i did my work. I appreciate it.
and thank you for coming over to help me out with my other work. one big load off my chest.
Today could have gone two ways. good/bad.
i was prepared for the day to turn back because you were doing a favor for me and i'd be in your mercy. but im grateful, that you didnt use it on me.
And im grateful, you chose to be funny-pekcek than pekcek-pekcek whlie doing that stupid photobook for me. I know how hard it is to spot the difference trust me and i am really glad that you didnt lose it.
It was nice, seeing this side of you. i found myself admiring you more than i use to. i found myself wanting to approach you more, contact you whenever i can.
For the first time, i felt that we were working hard on a task side by side. That's a first.
I wonder what the future brings. When you finish ns, and start studying. Would we be able to experience this again?
You were adorable today.
you really were. i don't know how to describe how i see you today.
i wish i could see you the way i did today, everyday.
Once again, Thank you for the great help with the burden task. thank you for coming over. thank you for staying by my side. and thank you for your support.
I miss you terribly now.
goodnight. goodbye.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 11:21 AM
I guess, this is pretty much as much as it goes.
Just within a few days of havin me back.
The images/habits of what i wanted to leave behind already resurfaced.
To believe again is hard, when time wasnt long enough to tell.
It's either he change, or i accept.
from the looks of it.. i don't think i have a choice.
I will learn to accept from now on.
I can change myself to be more accepting.
Change my perspective
Change my thinking
and Change the way i handle and react to things.
If i chose this path, despite knowing all that has happened would eventually happen again.
Im guessing this is what i called upon myself.
I didnt know it would turn out to be the same this soon.
What do i do?
I just wish he knew.
That i gave it all i got, my last hopes my last bit of energy i have for us..
Please dont dash them away.
I am only fighting because i saw you fighting for and with me..
And now, i feel like i'm fighting to make things right by myself..
Baby. Please help me, please help us.
Didnt you promise me you'll try your hardest to give us a soft approach?
no frowns. no angers. no ignores.
What ever happened to talking calmly?
talking patiently ...
I miss that. i miss that particular you when i was away..
But now im here...
I wish you appreciated me more..
i really do.
or am i not worth your appreciation anymore..?
sigh
goodnight.
goodbye.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 7:24 AM
Even if you had to ask, and if you knew how to take care of how i felt,
There wasn't a need to let me know.
& Now i feel terrible about myself. Terrible state in a terrible position.
:(
and that makes me sad.
goodnight.goodbye.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 9:50 AM
Today, i agreed to go out with him.
And today happened like a dream.
I found myself falling back to where i left off.
I've missed this feeling for far too long.
And now, i've picked up the pieces. giving in another gamble. Sort of.
I'm 70/30 on this. 30 on where i wanted to stand, and 70 on where im standing now.
Is it the loneliness? Is it the emptiness? Am i just filling in a void that has been empty all of a sudden?
Once again i burn down to the question . what do i really want.
I know what i want. I'm not strong enough to achieve it.
I gave in.
Like i knew, today was going to be a great day.
I wish everyday to be like today.
Not on the material, but on what we shared.
This is sincerity. This is genuine. i believe it is.
Its been a while, you've been so patience waitin for me.
Its been a while havin you greet me with hugs upon seeing me.
Its been a while seeing you smile at me in admiration.
Its been a while, you held my hands so tightly.
Its been a while, you held me so close to your body.
Its been a while, being constantly pulled close to you.
Its been a while, you put your phone away for me.
Its been a while, we went out to explore good food together.
Its been a while, we've tried something new.
Its been a while, knowing you've hid your tiredness for me.
Its been a while, we've been so happy.
I thank you for today.
& i know that today actually burnt a hole in your pocket. ( with the fact that we kinda got scammed )
I know it hurts from inside, and i could see you making the effort not to write it on your face just to see me happy.
I am happy. seeing you try this hard.
Honestly, I don't need fancy meals or good entertainment to spend a day out with you.
All i need is you, being sincere by my side and being as happy as i am just spending time with you.
I just need to know.. that you wish to spend time with me because u really want to. and not because you have to.
We could do a whole bunch of other free things together.
Go play basketball, sweat it out together,
gyming, swimming, playing online games together. stayin in for a home movie. Go cycling. cook meals and bring em out to eat by the jetty,
so so much we could do. as long as we're happy together. That's all i ask for.
Today was like a dream.
I wish it could last forever i really do.
As much as 99% of me assumes how it will eventually turn out to be like again, there is that 1% believing that this time its gonna be different.
So dear boy, if you're reading this.
Please tell me that my assumptions are gonnna be wrong..
Please make me believe that my decision this time is right..
Please assure me that it's not all temporary...
You told me we have a future ahead of us, that we would work things out better this time. and i believe you.
No more cycle curses :'(
Im taking this gamble with you because you are worth it.
I love you.
Dear god, please pave my route with him with mercy.
I am tired from all that has happened but i am willing, with my last hope, to give it one more shot... just one more shot..
Sigh, i hear myself say that so many times..
Baby, let this be the last time. Please?
Goodnight.Goodbye.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 9:32 AM
Why can't i ever get the chance to enjoy roadtrips with you.
Why are the odds never in my favor?
Wrong time. Wrong status.
SHE.
always does.
Im feeling like a sorry loser.
I wish none of this happened.
As much as it's not me to say this.. I wish the silence lasted longer.
No news is good news.
Living in guesses. not knowing anything may be a form of blessing in disguise.
Im tired of all this.
I'M NOT READY, DON'T THINK I'LL EVER BE.
What do i do.. what do i want..? :(
My needs and my wants. I cant differentiate between the two.
fml. I'm going out for a cycle.
I need to get a grip.
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 3:09 AM
I took the chance yesterday.
Somehow, i felt relieved reaching for the surface after being drowned for so long.
However, at the same time, i found myself worrying about the days to come.
The silent week was hard to handle, definitely. But the silence was good. It did me good, it did him good. It did us good.
I wanted that silence to last. To last long enough to see.
However, that moment of yearn was at breaking point, and at that moment i surrendered.
I was tired of fighting myself to stay away from you. I couldn't do it. I wasn't strong enough to hold back.
I just. needed you. so much.
I just, missed you. so much.
Finally being able to hold u close once again that night.
and today,
I found myself back in the state of confusion.
What do i really want?
Goodnight.Goodbye
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 12:38 PM
Right from the start, you were a thief,
You stole my heart and
I'm your willing victim
I let you see the parts of me
That weren't all that pretty.
And with every touch
You fixed them.
Now, you've been talking in your sleep
Oh oh, things you never say to me
Oh oh, tell me that you've had enough
Of our love, our love.
Just give me a reason,
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.
it's in the stars,
It's been written in the scars on our hearts
We're NOT broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.
I'm sorry I don't understand where
All of this is coming from.
I thought that we were fine,
(Oh, we had everything)
Your head is running wild again
My dear, WE still have everything
And it's all in your MIND.
(Yeah, but this is happenin')
You've been having real bad dreams
Oh oh, you use to lie so close to me
Oh oh, there's nothing more than empty sheets
Between our love, our love
Ooooh, our love, our love.
Just give me a reason,
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent and we can learn to LOVE again.
I never stopped
It's still written in the scars on my heart
You're NOT broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.
Oh, tear ducts and rust
I'll fix it for us
We're collecting dust,
But our love's enough.
You're holding it in,
You're pouring a drink
No, nothing is as bad as it seems.
We'll come clean!
Just give me a reason,
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent and we can learn to LOVE again.
It's in the stars
It's still written in the scars on our hearts
That We're NOT broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.
Just give me a reason,
Just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken
Just bent and we can learn to LOVE again.
Oh, it's in the stars
It's still written in the scars on our hearts
That We're NOT broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again.
Ooh, we can learn to love again
Ooh, we can learn to love again
Oh, that we're not broken
Just bent and we can learn to love again
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 7:58 AM
I've seen the world
Done it all, had my cake now
Diamonds, brilliant, and Bel-Air now
Hot summer nights mid July
When you and I were forever wild
The crazy days, the city lights
The way you'd play with me like a child
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
I've seen the world, lit it up as my stage now
Channeling angels in, the new age now
Hot summer days, rock and roll
The way you'd play for me at your show
And all the ways I got to know
Your pretty face and electric soul
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Dear lord when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you'll let him
Father tell me if you can
Oh that grace, oh that body
Oh that face makes me wanna party
He's my sun, he makes me shine like diamonds
Will you still love me when I'm no longer young and beautiful
Will you still love me when I got nothing but my aching soul
I know you will, I know you will
I know that you will
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm no longer beautiful
Will you still love me when I'm not young and beautiful
More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/l/lana_del_rey/
LaLaLa & it ends here~ 7:22 AM